Here I am, back on a night that I should really sleep earlier. This would be a real effort, so I'd keep this short and bitter.

I just read an article that a friend shared on her facebook. It said, our place in this world is both vital and insignificant.

Honestly, most of the time, I feel the 'insignificant' bit way more than the 'vital' bit. Sadly, of late, I've also been feeling the 'insignificant' bit much more, and stronger.

I am just a drop in the ocean. Just a single wheat in a wheat field. Just a nothing.

A drop must not expect the ocean to be grateful, a single wheat must not expect to matter in the harvest.

Strangely, the last two rcia sessions, I felt like crying while everyone was singing. Darn. I have, in fact, felt like crying pretty often of late.

Wth is wrong with me?

Must be sleeping too late.

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Emman has improved by knowing his girlfriend's style of having closure from an unhappy (to say the least) discussion. The 's' word that needed to be drilled and excavated out of him previously.

Sigh. In life, there are so many things one can be upset for and about. I really can deal with being upset and/or disappointed. I didn't live through (almost) 31 years on a bed of roses.

But really, the reduction in damage from the good use of 'sorry' should not be undermined. I once watched a tv variety show that mentioned each horoscope's conflict and conflict-resolution style.

For the virgo, closure is so important. Otherwise, the virgo dwells deeper into the issue and what's been fought. Thereby, creating more and more inner turmoil which leads to insecurities. Virgos need very much for their feelings and thoughts to be acknowledged, no matter whether the other person agrees or not. Virgos do not need complete consent, but need a great deal of empathy.

Capricorns are generally, adverse to conflict or conflicting situations. But, once in one, they tend to jump quickly to defense as a form of attack. Whatever (or whoever) is nearer or comes to mind more conveniently would be their shield. Capricorns rely on credibility and respect to get out of a conflict. If the other person can make them feel respected despite the conflict, or find a third party that they respect to mediate the conflict, it would be cease-fire for them.

Emman is improving. Me, I still spent the past hour blogging as a balancing outlet for my negative energy, when I should have been sleeping earlier.

I. Blame. Emman.

Arghhhhhhh!

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More than 32 months ago, we worked on a model that to me, was the most comfortable. There was lesser exclusivity n a lower dose of commitment. Essentially, we met only on saturday evenings, if I didn't have any other appointment, if I had wanted. Of course, to be fair, he needed not attend to me as and when I wanted a companion. The whole relationship (or the incomplete sense of it) was based on a willingness for our desires to coincide. No obligations, therefore, no commitment. Part-time partners.

Then, things changed. Consequently, the relationship evolved. Following that, expectations increased, more effort to meet expectations was also part of the requirement. In effect, there was a heightened level of commitment because more was at stake. We became girlfriend and boyfriend.

Alas! It is so easy to neglect that while circumstances and status may shift within months, it takes thousands of years for evolution to happen.

Man grapples to understand how much it means to a woman, to have someone to go home to at the end of each day, particularly if it has been one of those 'finally-today-is-over' kind of days. Just having someone to hold her, talk to her or listen to her rambling about the day, makes her feel loved and blessed. Ah, the simple blessings of each day.

Woman contends with man's need for pure solitude (but one that perhaps, includes his tv, his play set, his gadgets) after a beaten day at work. Just being able to shut down, not pay attention to anyone (and directing all the attention to the mobile gadget or tv), especially the above-described woman, makes a good respite in the cave for him. Ah, the simple happiness of each day.

As we all know, what is simple is most often, not easy at all.

While man tries hard to give some attention to woman, making her feel loved, he also struggles for his respite in his own cave. While woman tries hard to make lighter demands n gives more breathing space to man, she too struggles with her desire for that simple gesture of togetherness.

Maybe, my earlier model should have been more of the ideal. Weekend partners. Draw the line at that, so that man and woman can draw the line too for what they expect from each other. It might have been less simple to understand and accept, but much easier to manage and have.

We, all of us, have a bad habit of complicating things, making life more complex for ourselves.

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